英文閲讀欣賞

A little boy says to his mother, "Mom, I'll be good for a dollar"

The motherreplies, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good, you should be good ALl thetime"

The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for 50 cents."

The mother says,"I shouldn't have to pay you to be good you should be good all the time.

The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for a 25 cents."

The mother says,"How many times do I have to tell you I shouldn't have to pay you to be good. You should be good for nothing, just like your father."

Two men travelling through a forest together promised to help each other whatever danger threated had not gone far when a bear rushed at (撲向）them from some bushes. One man was a good climber, and quickly climbed a nearby tree, but the other, seeing that he had no chance alone against the bear, fell flat on his back（直挺挺地仰躺下去）, and pretended to be dead. The Bear came up to him, sniffed at him, and thicking him dead went off into the wood again without hurting him. when he had gone, the other traveller came down from hios tree, and smilingly asked his companion what the Bear had said to him.

"For I could see," he said, " that he put his mouth close to your ear."

"He told me to tell you," replied the other,"that you were a great coward, and that in future I should not trust those who make fine promises（發出好聽的諾言）, but will no stand by their friends in danger."

MORAL：Don't trust fine promises unless you are sure of the person who makes them.

　　旅行者和熊

兩個旅行者一起穿過一片森林，兩人都答應無論什麼危險威脅他們，大家要互相幫助。他們才走了不遠，一隻熊從灌木叢中朝他們撲過來。他們當中有一個是攀登好手，他很快就爬到旁邊的一棵樹上，但是另一個人呢？知道他一個人不可能對付得了熊，就直挺挺地仰卧在地上裝起死來。熊走到他跟前，嗅了嗅他，又走進森林裏去了。等到熊走遠了，另一個旅行者從樹上下來，微笑着問他的.同伴，那隻熊對他説了些什麼。

“因為我看到,”他説，“那隻熊把它的嘴湊到了你的耳朵旁。”

“他叫我告訴你,”另一個旅行者答道,“你是一個膽小鬼，將來我再也不應該相信那些只會發出好聽的諾言，但遇到危險就丟下朋友不管的人了。” 寓意：不要輕易地相信別人好聽的諾言，除非你能確信他。

Teacher:“ I have two questions, it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first much hair do you have?”

Student： “ A hundred and twenty millions.”

Teacher:“ How do you know it?”

Student:“ It is not necessary to answer the second question.”

老師："我有兩個題目，你若能答出第一題就不需答第二題。你有多少根頭髮?"

學生："1.2億根。"

老師："你怎麼知道?"

學生："第二題不需回答。"

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive store. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the owner discreetly whispers to the man,

"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.

"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged, "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

A young man was walking through a super market to pick up

a few things when he noticed an old lady following him.

"Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if my staring at you

has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look

just like my son, who died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there

anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, would you say

'Goodbye, mother?' It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out,"Goodbye, Mother!" Then, as he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.00. "How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said you'd pay for her."

A guy was dating a girl named Lorraine. He knew that Lorraine was the ONE. She had all the qualities that he wanted in a woman. She was smart, funny, and beautiful. Then one day in the video store, he met a girl named Clearly. Now Clearly was beautiful, funny, smart, and knew all the best places in town. But the guy didn't want to stop dating Lorraine, for he could be missing out on something good. So he kept on dating Lorraine. Then one day, the guy and Lorraine were walking along a river bank, his mind on Clearly, when Lorraine slipped into the river. While he watched her float away, he sang, "I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone."